last Saturday my sister and I went to the Jom Masuk U carnival at UM. Ibu suruh aku ikut. ikut hati aku malaaaaaaaaaas nak pergi tapi dia paksa jugak. dia suruh aku tengok "apa2 yang patut" if you know what I mean.
aku ajak Syarina tapi dia ada family plans. so terpaksa la aku pergi dengan adik aku je. kawan dia sorang ikut. memang best teman adik sendiri pergi jalan jalan dengan kawan. shucks maynnn.
so that morning kitorang naik bas dari rumah pergi Seremban. took a train to KL Sentral and waited for her another friend to arrive. bloody hell lama nak tunggu dia sampai. then naik LRT sampai UM.
sampai sana pukul 12. so her two friends walked together and my sister walked with me. aww shweet. dia cari apa yang dia nak. I looked for other uni which I thought I can get in if I don't get it to dentistry in USIM. I went to a couple of booths then I gave up. semua tak terima result Tamhidi USIM. then they asked me kenapa taknak stay USIM? I told them the full story and they went ohh..habis tu kenapa pilih USIM masa UPU? aduhhh mesti tanya eh? -..-
habis cari semua benda yang kitorang nak, kitorang pergi Mid. aku tau jalan so I lead the way teeheeeeee. dah banyak kali hangout kat Mid kan? hahahaha. makan lepastu taktau nak buat apa padahal baru pukul 4 lebih. aku dengan Tina nak balik dengan Ayah so kitorang kena sampai Seremban pukul 8 camtu. tapi kitorang decide balik je la. adik aku nak Big Apple so we went. then..
we were heading back to the KTM when suddenly Tina saw her schoolmate masa sekolah rendah dulu. Adi nama dia. aku tak kenal sangat dia ni. tak pernah berborak pun. aku setakat tau dia wujud je dan dia anak cikgu maths aku masa darjah 6. he looked different. last time I saw him masa dia darjah 5 and that was 6 years ago. lepas UPSR dia masuk SEPINTAR. upon knowing that, aku tetiba borak2 dengan dia macam aku yang sebaya dengan dia. taktau kenapaaaaa hahaha. borak pasal benda2 SBP je dengan dia. banyak jugak la aku borak dengan dia.
so the three of us stood in the middle of the way and talked for almost 45 minutes. aku taktau kenapa aku borak sakan dengan dia padahal TAK PERNAH borak dengan dia masa sekolah rendah dulu. adik aku macam terkejut jugak la yang aku banyak cakap. tak payah dia, aku pun terkejut jugak dengan aku sendiri. maybe it's because aku dah lama tak nampak budak Taman Ehsan kot. Kencut tak kira la. aku dah nampak dia 11 tahun berturut turut sampai naik bosan hahaha. k sorry Kencut.
so that's how my trip to KL last Saturday went. it was okay I guess. it wasn't as bad as I expected. tapi tolong la Ibu, Kakak taknak teman Tina pergi hangout dengan kawan2 dia lagi. please? hahaha :D
Monday, 28 January 2013
Sunday, 13 January 2013
regrets and fireworks
HAPPY NEW YEAR. lame.
I'll be 19 in less than a month. time flies freaking fast. really fast. dulu fikir sekolah. tension pun tahap kanak2 ribena je. sekarang dah masuk UNIVERSITAS. tension naik tahap remaja2 coca-cola? haihsss.
I wouldn't say my 2012 was gila gila awesome but I learnt a lot of stuff. I think. I learnt that the world does not and never will go your way. dulu memang ada orang cakap pasal benda tu. Ibu pun ada jugak bebel pasal "kita tak selalu dapat apa yang kita nak..blablabla" tapi aku tak sedar betapa benarnya bebelan Ibu tu.
lately aku cepat marah. cepat terasa. and I think I know why.
it's because of the the-world-not-going-my-way thing. there was a series of events happened to me on 2012 that did not go according to my desires. mostly that happened after I got my SPM results. I thought that by having good results everything is going to be fine for me. clearly I was wrong. it was definitely not fine for me at all.
mula2 sebab tak dapat any scholarships. dude, I got straight A's for SPM tapi tak dapat biasiswa. tak patut ke aku sedih? tapi aku fikir balik. result aku bukannya bagus sangat pun. A- je banyak. mungkin tu sebabnya aku tak dapat. dan masa interview pun aku tak buat betul2. senyap macam taik lalat masa discussion. memang tak la uncle/aunty MARA nak bagi duit free kat taik lalat macam aku.
pastu, aku tak dapat U yang aku nak. aku mintak UIA but instead I got USIM. tapi takpe laa. look at the brightside. dapat jugak course yang aku nak. dentistry.
1st day in USIM and they told us about the stupid limited seats. about only 35 students will be selected to go pursuing degree in dentistry after foundation. WHATTA F. I lost hope. gila apa aku nak kena compete dengan 70 students lain nak rebut tempat tu? aku seriously sangat2 tak yakin dengan diri aku. kat sekolah pun aku bukan la top student pun. biasa2 je. so how the neraka I nak rebut tempat dengan budak2 lain yang rata ratanya lebih pandai dari aku? aku cuba relax. nanti belajar pasal gigi je kan? aku pakai braces dan aku dah banyak kali pergi dentist. sampai dah naik hafal struktur gigi tengok poster kat waiting room tu. chill.
sekali amekauuuuu belajar biology, chemistry, arabic, english, quranic studies, PHYSICS AND ALSO MATHEMATICS.
lakalakalakassheit. memang aku suka phy ngan maths. suka gila nak mampus. memang nak mampus la kesukaan aku terhadap dua ketul subjek yang mudah mudah celaka itu. and that's when I knew it was the end of the road for me. I give up. I quit. I know quitting is for losers. but practically I am losing. so what's the big deal? dan hasilnya, result aku untuk sem 1 sangat sangat tidak lawa. sampai pengarah tamhidi panggil suruh datang menghadap beliau. well not really. just ada talk je. but still, teruk jugak tu.
I felt very awful and ashamed of myself. result aku sangat teramat teruk. I knew I could do better than that. I was really frustrated. those results, coming from me, it was just very so not me. but I did say about quitting so why am I so depressed about getting bad results? that's the thing. I DON'T KNOW.
and those are the reasons why I snap off at small matters. I am pissed off. I am angry to the world. aku rasa dunia ni sangat tak adil.
tapi bila fikir camtu, macam aku salahkan takdir pulak. macam aku tak suka apa yang Allah rancang untuk aku.
I really don't know what to do. I feel miserable all the time and I just want to cry for no reason. this has never happened to me before. dulu aku ada jugak la rasa nak berhenti buat semua ni. belajar la. but I really didn't mean that. I don't know why this time it's different.
I guess I just need to wait until sem 2 is finished. I would probably know what to do by then. hopefully.
guide me, YA ALLAH.
I'll be 19 in less than a month. time flies freaking fast. really fast. dulu fikir sekolah. tension pun tahap kanak2 ribena je. sekarang dah masuk UNIVERSITAS. tension naik tahap remaja2 coca-cola? haihsss.
I wouldn't say my 2012 was gila gila awesome but I learnt a lot of stuff. I think. I learnt that the world does not and never will go your way. dulu memang ada orang cakap pasal benda tu. Ibu pun ada jugak bebel pasal "kita tak selalu dapat apa yang kita nak..blablabla" tapi aku tak sedar betapa benarnya bebelan Ibu tu.
lately aku cepat marah. cepat terasa. and I think I know why.
it's because of the the-world-not-going-my-way thing. there was a series of events happened to me on 2012 that did not go according to my desires. mostly that happened after I got my SPM results. I thought that by having good results everything is going to be fine for me. clearly I was wrong. it was definitely not fine for me at all.
mula2 sebab tak dapat any scholarships. dude, I got straight A's for SPM tapi tak dapat biasiswa. tak patut ke aku sedih? tapi aku fikir balik. result aku bukannya bagus sangat pun. A- je banyak. mungkin tu sebabnya aku tak dapat. dan masa interview pun aku tak buat betul2. senyap macam taik lalat masa discussion. memang tak la uncle/aunty MARA nak bagi duit free kat taik lalat macam aku.
pastu, aku tak dapat U yang aku nak. aku mintak UIA but instead I got USIM. tapi takpe laa. look at the brightside. dapat jugak course yang aku nak. dentistry.
1st day in USIM and they told us about the stupid limited seats. about only 35 students will be selected to go pursuing degree in dentistry after foundation. WHATTA F. I lost hope. gila apa aku nak kena compete dengan 70 students lain nak rebut tempat tu? aku seriously sangat2 tak yakin dengan diri aku. kat sekolah pun aku bukan la top student pun. biasa2 je. so how the neraka I nak rebut tempat dengan budak2 lain yang rata ratanya lebih pandai dari aku? aku cuba relax. nanti belajar pasal gigi je kan? aku pakai braces dan aku dah banyak kali pergi dentist. sampai dah naik hafal struktur gigi tengok poster kat waiting room tu. chill.
sekali amekauuuuu belajar biology, chemistry, arabic, english, quranic studies, PHYSICS AND ALSO MATHEMATICS.
lakalakalakassheit. memang aku suka phy ngan maths. suka gila nak mampus. memang nak mampus la kesukaan aku terhadap dua ketul subjek yang mudah mudah celaka itu. and that's when I knew it was the end of the road for me. I give up. I quit. I know quitting is for losers. but practically I am losing. so what's the big deal? dan hasilnya, result aku untuk sem 1 sangat sangat tidak lawa. sampai pengarah tamhidi panggil suruh datang menghadap beliau. well not really. just ada talk je. but still, teruk jugak tu.
I felt very awful and ashamed of myself. result aku sangat teramat teruk. I knew I could do better than that. I was really frustrated. those results, coming from me, it was just very so not me. but I did say about quitting so why am I so depressed about getting bad results? that's the thing. I DON'T KNOW.
and those are the reasons why I snap off at small matters. I am pissed off. I am angry to the world. aku rasa dunia ni sangat tak adil.
tapi bila fikir camtu, macam aku salahkan takdir pulak. macam aku tak suka apa yang Allah rancang untuk aku.
I really don't know what to do. I feel miserable all the time and I just want to cry for no reason. this has never happened to me before. dulu aku ada jugak la rasa nak berhenti buat semua ni. belajar la. but I really didn't mean that. I don't know why this time it's different.
I guess I just need to wait until sem 2 is finished. I would probably know what to do by then. hopefully.
guide me, YA ALLAH.
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