how to begin with? I don't know how to express this in words. I just hope that anyone who reads this can understand what I'm trying to say. (not that I'm hoping for anyone to read this -..-)
masa darjah 1 dulu, I had a really tough time in school. mesti semorang rasa camtu. menangis taknak berpisah dengan mak ayah. aku pun camtu jugak. tapi aku tak suka sekolah sangat masa tu sebab aku kena ejek. sangat teruk. I had this fear being around my classmates especially that one girl yang memang eiiii. I was constantly being called names. one of their favourite was "gigi rabbit". I was really stressed out.
nasib baik masa tu cikgu kelas aku sangaaaaaaaaaat la baik. he noticed my potential in studies so he called Ibu one day to tell her that. terharu kot aku masa tu. that was the only thing that kept me bersemangat nak pegi sekolah. as years passed by, dah tak ramai yang ejek aku lagi dah. yang ejek aku dulu tu pun dah boleh jadi kawan. but this low self-esteem of mine kekal sampai sekolah menengah. ingat lagi, masa tu aku masuk debate masa form 1 and one of the judges (a student) told me that I "looked like Bugs Bunny but in a cuter way". thanks for the comment -..-
but those were before I started to wear braces. masa form 4 aku mula pakai and it was really horrible. ulcers everywhere in my mouth. tak boleh makan sesuka hati and the pain was seriously unbearable. biasa la gigi jongang. sakit pun over sikit la banding dgn manusia gigi normal tapi gatal jugak nak pakai braces. but life must go on. aku tahan je la sakit tu.
lama2 gigi aku dah masuk ke dalam sikit. takde la terjojol macam dulu. muka pun dah start adjust dgn kedudukan gigi aku yang baru. tapi hidup aku masih lagi normal. aku rasa la. until that day came and I felt everything had changed.
I met him through a school programme. dia buat aku rasa lain. taktau la nak cakap macam mana. let's just say that he made me feel good of myself. we were not an item. so technically I never had that special someone. dia ni taknak apa2 pun dari aku. dia nak main2 je. sedih. aku bodoh jugak la sebab ikut je dia main2. he already had someone. or at least he had, I don't know. dia tak pernah cakap. I only know that he had this rumour going on in his school about him being with someone. tu je aku tau. dan sekarang, aku dah lama tak contact dia. taktau khabar berita. dua2 dah busy sekarang.
aku sedih gila kot sebab he was the first person that I really liked and I really showed that I liked him and I know he knows it. aku berusaha nak lupakan dia (eceh gaya macam dah bercinta sakan haha). and along the journey, aku perasan yang aku selalu diperhatikan. pegi mana2 ada je yang pandang aku. I mean, lelaki. selama ni, aku ni macam angin lalu je takde sape nak pandang aku. sekarang tak macam tu lagi. ada pulak yang straight forward mintak nak kenal aku siap. ada banyak lagi contoh tapi malas nak cerita. aku bukan nak cakap aku budak hot jelita nak mampus tapi faham tak? this has never happened to me and to be honest, it's kinda scary.
it got me thinking. mungkin sebab tu dia nak kenal aku? sebab kalau aku hodoh takkan dia layan je aku ni kan? dia pun hensem manakan suka dengan yang hodoh. aku rasa aku ni takde la interesting untuk dikenali. tapi taktau la. mungkin dia ikhlas nak kenal aku? ahh aku taktau.
aku kalau boleh aku taknak la bercinta sekarang. bukan taknak langsung cuma bukan sekarang. so please don't mess me up like what he did to me. aku rasa bodoh sangat sebab suka dia lebih2. dan malu.
tolong jangan buruk sangka kat aku. aku tau aku takde la lawa mana. muka aku dah senonoh sikit je banding dengan dulu. takde hak nak cerita benda2 cani. but this is my experience and I would like to share it so you can understand me better whoever you are :/
and please guys. like a girl for being herself and not because she's pretty or rich or anything. one more thing. don't simply sweet-talk because you seriously don't have the slightest idea that something you said can stay in her mind for a very long time.
again, I'm begging you to not have the wrong idea about me. pleaseeeeeee.
done bebel. jom menyanyi.
Togalino potatoni kaji balobani kagoli bababa babananaaaaa (~^o^)~
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