Accidents (Part 1)

I drive a Kelisa. It was my cousin’s car actually tp aku dah drive kereta ni since 2014, time second year lagi. Sangat convenient sbb time tu aku involve dgn SUKSIS, so senang aku nak gerak memana pergi latihan ke apa without menyusahkan housemates aku yang lain. Kereta ni best, tak banyak masalah. Except for that one time kereta aku tetibe mati tengah jalan sbb bateri problem (and it wasn’t me who drove the car at that time, Fatin Aina and Alya did lol kesian diorang haha).

Tapi akhir tahun last year, aku langgar lembu. Yes, lembu. My first accident was with a freaking cow.

Begin Again

Assalamualaikum.

Decided to create a new blog coz I think the old one is too lame to be "revived" lol. Ye la, blog tu since aku 15 kot. And now I'm 24. I've changed a lot in those years (including my physical appearance hmm). Lagipun tengah boring takde buat apa sangat so I thought hey apa kata aku buat blog baru??

Tipu je, aku ada banyak kerja but this fat girl is one hell of a procrastinator.

Anyways I like to write stuff, that's why I still want to keep blogging. I'm keeping my old blog so I can reread my entries whenever I'm feeling nostalgic. Selalu jugak la feeling macam tu haha. So harapnya dengan blog baru ni, ada la benda yg aku boleh tulis. Not just some rants and sendu je. Like, a blog with real content. 

Tapi tu la masalahnya. Taktau nak tulis apa. I like beauty and skincare but I feel dah banyak sangat beauty bloggers out there. I'd like to write about my current project kat UPM ni tapi aku rasa tak ramai yang berminat. Susah nak faham lagipun. Maybe I'll just write just about everything then? Lol sama je la nanti macam blog lama haha. 

We'll just see how it goes, I guess.

2k18

I'm a very awkward person. I don’t really know how exactly to socialize, especially around new people. Meeting new people scares me. I get all these weird thoughts you know like “orang ni tak suka aku ke” or “kenapa dia ni tengok aku semacam” padahal the person was being absolutely normal. I have always been like this since I was small. Nak pergi tadika je mesti muntah dulu sebab nervous sangat (yes people I puke when I get really nervous). Takut beb. Tadika cina, cikgu semua cina. The only malay I know there was my own sister, who was at that time, takde masalah nak bergaul dengan budak cina coz she can speak cina like orang cina la.

Masuk darjah 1, I got bullied. I was legit jongang so the other kids called me “gigi rabbit” coz my two front teeth were sticking out la basically. Teruk jugak la kena ejek. Had no friends. Malam je mesti aku nangis senyap2 sbb aku tension taknak pergi sekolah esoknya. Ada sorang anak cikgu ni memang setan gila la. Bekal aku dia balun padahal dia anak cikgu boleh je masuk kantin amik je la apa dia nak. Pastu siap ckp kat budak lain jangan kawan aku la apa. Tah kenapa sumpah takleh brain do. Tp time tu kecik kan. Mana faham. Yg aku tau, anak cikgu jangan buat main sebab…mak dia cikgu kot. Tu je sebab dia, tak perlu ada sebab lain. Darjah 1 je la yg teruk bagi aku. Lepas2 tu aku mcm ok la sikit sbb perform akademik, every year tak pernah miss naik pentas amik award. Tp still lagi la kena ejek tu sekali sekala.

Time form 1, sbb masuk sekolah asrama and nobody knew me, aku mcm ubah attitude. I had my guard up sbb aku taknak kena ejek kena pijak mcm dulu kat sekolah rendah. So jadinya aku nampak mcm someone yg susah orang nak approach. Dah kena label sombong. Padahal aku diam tak bercakap dgn orang lain tu sbb aku takut haha. Tp at least I didn’t get hurt from being called ‘sombong’. Tapi tu pun time form 2 ada senior ni panggil aku bugs bunny. I was in a debate competition and he was one of adjudicators. Masa dia bagi komen tu he said “you remind me of bugs bunny but in a good way”. I mean excuse me? Anyway perangai ni aku bawak sampai ke masuk u. I got compliments like “dulu aku ingat kau sombong” a lot lol. Member aku lelaki. Dia ckp budak lelaki yg lain takut nak ckp dgn aku sbb aku ada resting bitch face. Tp tbh, I was more scared of them. And other people. I’m even more scared of strangers. Well, you can say that looking kinda sombong is my own way of protecting myself kot. I didn’t want to get hurt so I thought the best way of not getting hurt is to look unapproachable. Nampak tak logic aku :/

Tp hakikatnya, aku masih lagi awkward nak bercakap dgn orang. I have friends, but not many. I prefer to keep my circle small. Aku ni reserved la orangnya. And very scared of people. That’s just the way I am. I know it’s not good, aku pun dah lama tak kena ejek. Last pun time form 2 tu la. Tp kesan kena ejek tu sampai sekarang aku takut dengan orang. Bullying ain’t cool guys. Tetibe.

But you still refuse to understand me even after I told you my story. Hmm.

All Over?

The last time I blogged was two years ago. Itu pun takde apa sangat aku post lol macam la before ni blog aku ada specific content.

Okay la aku rasa aku update dulu la what’s going on now. Not like that anyone’s interested with my life but heck, I’m just gonna do it anyways.

Aku dah habis degree, just nak tunggu majlis convo je next month. Currently staying in Puchong Kinrara with my aunt sementara tunggu nak start jadi research assistant kat UPM. Everyone’s been asking me bila aku nak start. Truth is people, aku sendiri pun taktau so stop asking me the same question haha. I’m still with the same beau, 3 years and counting. Faqih pun dah grad and he’s now working in a developer company in Melaka, literally 5 minutes from his house. I’m a proud girlfriend hihi.

I don’t have anything to write about, actually. Post ni memang literally sesaje je nak buat. For the sake of dah lama tak bukak blog and nak baca balik posts lama aku. I like re-reading my old posts. Reminds me of how I was back in those years. Yg post time sekolah menengah tu, aku punya tak matang tu takyah cite la hahaha.

Aku ingat nak revamp blog aku and write something yang betul2 ada content la. Not just some rants and random thoughts je. Tp taktau nak tulis pasal apa. If any of my friends is reading this, suggest sikit nak aku tulis apa. I ain’t gonna write heavy issues here that’s for sure. Or taknak suggest pun takpe jemput la baca posts aku yg lama2 tu pastu takyah judgmental sangat haha. Tp aku nak cakap la kan, takyah buang masa la baca. I wrote about garbage je mostly (well, more like to all of it lol).

Kalau nak baca jugak, ikut korang la. You’ve been warned haha.

ehe

tahun lepas dua kali update blog yes I know, don't care. 

so aku tengah cuti sem ni. tengah tunggu result final haritu. rasa macam teruk hmm just pray for the best la. bulan 9 ni masuk balik. sekejap je dah nak masuk tahun 3. some would say susah weh tahun 3 subjek berat blabla but I think that's how life works. makin lama makin susah kan. kau kena jugak hadap somehow.

oh btw selamat hari raya ketujuh guys :)

and sebabkan sekarang tengah syawal, maka instagram feed aku amat penuh dgn gambar raya. dan aku rasa alone. aku rasa ditinggalkan. bukan nak mengada tp tu la yg aku rasa. salah aku jugak sbb tak contact kawan lama tp aku tak contact sbb aku taktau nak cakap apa. aku ni jenis cepat awkward dalam conversation. tak reti nak panjangkan perbualan. jenis yg "lepas tanya apa khabar nak kena tanya apa lagi eh?" punya tak pandainya aku dalam bab ni. lagi satu, aku segan. kawan2 aku ramai yg hebat. bakal doktor la engineer la lawyer la study uk egypt jordan dah jejak merata tempat you name it semuanya hebat belaka. aku? haish. and and satu lagi, diorang kaya lol it's the truth man tp aku malas nak cakap lebih. conclusion is, I feel like I'm out of their league. aku cerita benda ni kat Syarina (sbb dia je kawan yg aku rapat yg aku takkan jadi awkward) tp aku tak rasa dia faham.

lol aku sendiri pun tak faham apesal aku nak touching sangat bab ni.

tp aku sedih. serius. dan lantas aku berfikir, kalau aku duduk kat bandar sikit mungkin aku takkan ketinggalan macam ni (ketinggalan macam mana aku pun taktau la hahaha kau layankan je aku kejap). I mean, kalau duduk bandar, aku lebih dekat dgn tempat yg best2 dan public transport yg boleh aku guna untuk ke tempat best2 tersebut. err faham tak apa aku cakap. ni duduk jelebu, dah la kampung, bas paling last pukul 6pm, nak lepak lebih masa sikit takleh sbb takut terlepas bas, and takde kawan pulak tu kat sini. kau faham tak kenapa aku rasa alone sekarang ni.

but but but. aku bukan alone yg "I sunyi, pm kalau you pun sunyi jugak (nak boy je)" kinda alone. hehe hi fachiu lol okay.

dah lama aku fikir benda ni tp makin parah time raya ni la. and tadi pun ada kawan whatsapp tanya rumah aku kat mana and bila aku cakap kat jelebu dia macam eh yeke kalau jelebu tak mampu la. see? see??

k done meroyan.