Wednesday, 11 September 2013
Sunday, 24 March 2013
pegi cari scholarship la dohh
first of all, me want to congratulate you guys yang dapat results yang gempak meletup letup kebabom bom bom. yang kurang berjaya, sila meratap dan duduk kat corner bilik dan melalak. k tak melawak je heh heh *tak kelakar*
*serius talk* kepada yang kurang2 sikit tu, jangan risau. hidup masih panjang lagi. banyak lagi rezeki kat luar sana cuma korang masih belum nampak lagi.
so mesti dah ada yang sibuk cari scholarship. benda2 ni korang kena pandai2 cari sendiri. beli paper, bukak internet, tengok berita kat tv tu, tanya kawan2 semua. kena rajin. scholarship tak akan datang kat korang dan cakap, "Hey awak, nak pegi Jordan study medic for free?" takde takde. maka tolong la rajin.
aku pun lalui jugak benda ni. banyak aku mohon tapi takde rezeki agaknya. satu pun aku tak dapat. sedih.
INTERVIEW MARA 2012
aku just dapat peluang interview je. boleh buat dua pilihan. aku mintak finance kt USA and Bahasa Jepun kat Jepun la takkan kat India pulak? last year, interview berkumpulan berbentuk group discussion. takde individual interview. so kumpulan aku dapat this one topic.
korang ada modal RM100,000 nak guna buat start bisnes. pilih jawatan apa yang korang akan pegang dalam company tu dan apa yang perlu korang buat selaku jawatan tu untuk membangunkan company tu.
macam tu la lebih kurang tajuknya heh heh. FULL ENGLISH harap maklum. maka tolong menghabukkan english korang before interview supaya takde la muka korang macam tertelan nasi sekepal nanti. and please, BE BRAVE. participate in the discussion. or better yet, start the discussion first. give ideas. if your idea got rejected, it's okay. at least korang dah cakap. jangan tak cakap apa2 langsung. macam aku ToT
tapi jangan la cakap non-stop pulak. bagi peluang kat orang lain. mintak pendapat dorang. kalau rasa nak membantah, cakap elok2. beretika sikit. tak payah buat scene. faham? faham ok. lepas discussion tu, the interviewers(?) tu tanya soalan kat kitorang one by one. sorang satu soalan. aku dapat soalan yang macam senang jugak la tapi aku dah lupa apa dia. tapi ada satu bro group aku ni dapat "What is your opinion regarding plagiarism and their effects to students?" nasib baik mamat ni pandai cakap. dia jawab macam eleh senang gila la soalan kau ni. good job bro.
like I said earlier, aku tak cakap banyak sangat masa discussion tu. mungkin sebab tu aku tak dapat. aku pun tak study dulu. at least kena la bukak sikit buku2 ilmiah ni. berita seantero dunia kena tau. gosip artis tak perlu tau melainkan ada kaitan dengan ahli politik/ agama atau sebagainya. aku cakap betul ni tak tipu.
lepas interview, doa banyak2. jangan ingat dapat straight A's memang confirm dapat scholarship. ini semua rezeki Dia yang punya. buktinya, aku. and I also have two friends yang dapat 11A+ siap tapi stuck kat Malaysia jugak. tak dapat mana2 pun. sekali lagi, rezeki masing2. tak kisah la apa yang korang dapat untuk SPM, keep calm and pray banyak2 okay?
kalau korang search kat google pasal interview MARA 2012 dan blog aku ni yang korang bukak, aku harap post aku membantu. kalau tak membantu, pegi search lagi jangan nak stalk aku lebih2 pastu nak baca post aku yang lama2 tu. malu heh heh.
harapnya korang dapat. wishing you guys all the best adik adik :)
P/S: resumes/cover letters/CV. itu pun penting. sorry tak dapat tolong part ni. aku tak reti sangat writing ni.
*serius talk* kepada yang kurang2 sikit tu, jangan risau. hidup masih panjang lagi. banyak lagi rezeki kat luar sana cuma korang masih belum nampak lagi.
so mesti dah ada yang sibuk cari scholarship. benda2 ni korang kena pandai2 cari sendiri. beli paper, bukak internet, tengok berita kat tv tu, tanya kawan2 semua. kena rajin. scholarship tak akan datang kat korang dan cakap, "Hey awak, nak pegi Jordan study medic for free?" takde takde. maka tolong la rajin.
aku pun lalui jugak benda ni. banyak aku mohon tapi takde rezeki agaknya. satu pun aku tak dapat. sedih.
INTERVIEW MARA 2012
aku just dapat peluang interview je. boleh buat dua pilihan. aku mintak finance kt USA and Bahasa Jepun kat Jepun la takkan kat India pulak? last year, interview berkumpulan berbentuk group discussion. takde individual interview. so kumpulan aku dapat this one topic.
korang ada modal RM100,000 nak guna buat start bisnes. pilih jawatan apa yang korang akan pegang dalam company tu dan apa yang perlu korang buat selaku jawatan tu untuk membangunkan company tu.
macam tu la lebih kurang tajuknya heh heh. FULL ENGLISH harap maklum. maka tolong menghabukkan english korang before interview supaya takde la muka korang macam tertelan nasi sekepal nanti. and please, BE BRAVE. participate in the discussion. or better yet, start the discussion first. give ideas. if your idea got rejected, it's okay. at least korang dah cakap. jangan tak cakap apa2 langsung. macam aku ToT
tapi jangan la cakap non-stop pulak. bagi peluang kat orang lain. mintak pendapat dorang. kalau rasa nak membantah, cakap elok2. beretika sikit. tak payah buat scene. faham? faham ok. lepas discussion tu, the interviewers(?) tu tanya soalan kat kitorang one by one. sorang satu soalan. aku dapat soalan yang macam senang jugak la tapi aku dah lupa apa dia. tapi ada satu bro group aku ni dapat "What is your opinion regarding plagiarism and their effects to students?" nasib baik mamat ni pandai cakap. dia jawab macam eleh senang gila la soalan kau ni. good job bro.
like I said earlier, aku tak cakap banyak sangat masa discussion tu. mungkin sebab tu aku tak dapat. aku pun tak study dulu. at least kena la bukak sikit buku2 ilmiah ni. berita seantero dunia kena tau. gosip artis tak perlu tau melainkan ada kaitan dengan ahli politik/ agama atau sebagainya. aku cakap betul ni tak tipu.
lepas interview, doa banyak2. jangan ingat dapat straight A's memang confirm dapat scholarship. ini semua rezeki Dia yang punya. buktinya, aku. and I also have two friends yang dapat 11A+ siap tapi stuck kat Malaysia jugak. tak dapat mana2 pun. sekali lagi, rezeki masing2. tak kisah la apa yang korang dapat untuk SPM, keep calm and pray banyak2 okay?
kalau korang search kat google pasal interview MARA 2012 dan blog aku ni yang korang bukak, aku harap post aku membantu. kalau tak membantu, pegi search lagi jangan nak stalk aku lebih2 pastu nak baca post aku yang lama2 tu. malu heh heh.
harapnya korang dapat. wishing you guys all the best adik adik :)
P/S: resumes/cover letters/CV. itu pun penting. sorry tak dapat tolong part ni. aku tak reti sangat writing ni.
Sunday, 3 February 2013
moody sunday
kejap lagi balik kolej. esok dah start balik kelas. malasnyaaaaaaaaaaaa. memang setiap kali balik kolej aku jadi emo semacam je. tapi kali ni yang buat aku extra giga mega emo sebab esok...
birthday aku.
aku mesti la nak sambut birthday aku kat rumah. best kot. bukan sebab family aku sambut birthdays meriah2 tapi sebab..alahh macam birthday kau. mesti kau nak relax je sepanjang masa kan? lagi best kalau relax kat rumah. ada tv dan internet dan juga tv. sama ah macam aku. adalah menjadi sangat tidak best birthday aku esok sebab esok, ada kelas. not fun. at all. dan sedikit emosi juga kerana...
my best bud Syarina won't be going back to college tonight 'cause she's in Korea right now and will be back by tomorrow night. asdfghjkl betul. out of all dates, why laa tomorrow? ini semua bisa buat aku menangis T.T
tapi takpe nanti dia balik Maliziya dia bawak balik bufday pwesent for me fwom Kowiyaaaa weeheehee :3
tengoklah esok macam mana. rasanya takde sape yang nak wish sebab rasanya takde sape yang tau birthday aku esok. hahaha T.T
19th birthday yang sunyi. how sad TT.TT
Saturday, 2 February 2013
gigi besi
how to begin with? I don't know how to express this in words. I just hope that anyone who reads this can understand what I'm trying to say. (not that I'm hoping for anyone to read this -..-)
masa darjah 1 dulu, I had a really tough time in school. mesti semorang rasa camtu. menangis taknak berpisah dengan mak ayah. aku pun camtu jugak. tapi aku tak suka sekolah sangat masa tu sebab aku kena ejek. sangat teruk. I had this fear being around my classmates especially that one girl yang memang eiiii. I was constantly being called names. one of their favourite was "gigi rabbit". I was really stressed out.
nasib baik masa tu cikgu kelas aku sangaaaaaaaaaat la baik. he noticed my potential in studies so he called Ibu one day to tell her that. terharu kot aku masa tu. that was the only thing that kept me bersemangat nak pegi sekolah. as years passed by, dah tak ramai yang ejek aku lagi dah. yang ejek aku dulu tu pun dah boleh jadi kawan. but this low self-esteem of mine kekal sampai sekolah menengah. ingat lagi, masa tu aku masuk debate masa form 1 and one of the judges (a student) told me that I "looked like Bugs Bunny but in a cuter way". thanks for the comment -..-
but those were before I started to wear braces. masa form 4 aku mula pakai and it was really horrible. ulcers everywhere in my mouth. tak boleh makan sesuka hati and the pain was seriously unbearable. biasa la gigi jongang. sakit pun over sikit la banding dgn manusia gigi normal tapi gatal jugak nak pakai braces. but life must go on. aku tahan je la sakit tu.
lama2 gigi aku dah masuk ke dalam sikit. takde la terjojol macam dulu. muka pun dah start adjust dgn kedudukan gigi aku yang baru. tapi hidup aku masih lagi normal. aku rasa la. until that day came and I felt everything had changed.
I met him through a school programme. dia buat aku rasa lain. taktau la nak cakap macam mana. let's just say that he made me feel good of myself. we were not an item. so technically I never had that special someone. dia ni taknak apa2 pun dari aku. dia nak main2 je. sedih. aku bodoh jugak la sebab ikut je dia main2. he already had someone. or at least he had, I don't know. dia tak pernah cakap. I only know that he had this rumour going on in his school about him being with someone. tu je aku tau. dan sekarang, aku dah lama tak contact dia. taktau khabar berita. dua2 dah busy sekarang.
aku sedih gila kot sebab he was the first person that I really liked and I really showed that I liked him and I know he knows it. aku berusaha nak lupakan dia (eceh gaya macam dah bercinta sakan haha). and along the journey, aku perasan yang aku selalu diperhatikan. pegi mana2 ada je yang pandang aku. I mean, lelaki. selama ni, aku ni macam angin lalu je takde sape nak pandang aku. sekarang tak macam tu lagi. ada pulak yang straight forward mintak nak kenal aku siap. ada banyak lagi contoh tapi malas nak cerita. aku bukan nak cakap aku budak hot jelita nak mampus tapi faham tak? this has never happened to me and to be honest, it's kinda scary.
it got me thinking. mungkin sebab tu dia nak kenal aku? sebab kalau aku hodoh takkan dia layan je aku ni kan? dia pun hensem manakan suka dengan yang hodoh. aku rasa aku ni takde la interesting untuk dikenali. tapi taktau la. mungkin dia ikhlas nak kenal aku? ahh aku taktau.
aku kalau boleh aku taknak la bercinta sekarang. bukan taknak langsung cuma bukan sekarang. so please don't mess me up like what he did to me. aku rasa bodoh sangat sebab suka dia lebih2. dan malu.
tolong jangan buruk sangka kat aku. aku tau aku takde la lawa mana. muka aku dah senonoh sikit je banding dengan dulu. takde hak nak cerita benda2 cani. but this is my experience and I would like to share it so you can understand me better whoever you are :/
and please guys. like a girl for being herself and not because she's pretty or rich or anything. one more thing. don't simply sweet-talk because you seriously don't have the slightest idea that something you said can stay in her mind for a very long time.
again, I'm begging you to not have the wrong idea about me. pleaseeeeeee.
done bebel. jom menyanyi.
Togalino potatoni kaji balobani kagoli bababa babananaaaaa (~^o^)~
masa darjah 1 dulu, I had a really tough time in school. mesti semorang rasa camtu. menangis taknak berpisah dengan mak ayah. aku pun camtu jugak. tapi aku tak suka sekolah sangat masa tu sebab aku kena ejek. sangat teruk. I had this fear being around my classmates especially that one girl yang memang eiiii. I was constantly being called names. one of their favourite was "gigi rabbit". I was really stressed out.
nasib baik masa tu cikgu kelas aku sangaaaaaaaaaat la baik. he noticed my potential in studies so he called Ibu one day to tell her that. terharu kot aku masa tu. that was the only thing that kept me bersemangat nak pegi sekolah. as years passed by, dah tak ramai yang ejek aku lagi dah. yang ejek aku dulu tu pun dah boleh jadi kawan. but this low self-esteem of mine kekal sampai sekolah menengah. ingat lagi, masa tu aku masuk debate masa form 1 and one of the judges (a student) told me that I "looked like Bugs Bunny but in a cuter way". thanks for the comment -..-
but those were before I started to wear braces. masa form 4 aku mula pakai and it was really horrible. ulcers everywhere in my mouth. tak boleh makan sesuka hati and the pain was seriously unbearable. biasa la gigi jongang. sakit pun over sikit la banding dgn manusia gigi normal tapi gatal jugak nak pakai braces. but life must go on. aku tahan je la sakit tu.
lama2 gigi aku dah masuk ke dalam sikit. takde la terjojol macam dulu. muka pun dah start adjust dgn kedudukan gigi aku yang baru. tapi hidup aku masih lagi normal. aku rasa la. until that day came and I felt everything had changed.
I met him through a school programme. dia buat aku rasa lain. taktau la nak cakap macam mana. let's just say that he made me feel good of myself. we were not an item. so technically I never had that special someone. dia ni taknak apa2 pun dari aku. dia nak main2 je. sedih. aku bodoh jugak la sebab ikut je dia main2. he already had someone. or at least he had, I don't know. dia tak pernah cakap. I only know that he had this rumour going on in his school about him being with someone. tu je aku tau. dan sekarang, aku dah lama tak contact dia. taktau khabar berita. dua2 dah busy sekarang.
aku sedih gila kot sebab he was the first person that I really liked and I really showed that I liked him and I know he knows it. aku berusaha nak lupakan dia (eceh gaya macam dah bercinta sakan haha). and along the journey, aku perasan yang aku selalu diperhatikan. pegi mana2 ada je yang pandang aku. I mean, lelaki. selama ni, aku ni macam angin lalu je takde sape nak pandang aku. sekarang tak macam tu lagi. ada pulak yang straight forward mintak nak kenal aku siap. ada banyak lagi contoh tapi malas nak cerita. aku bukan nak cakap aku budak hot jelita nak mampus tapi faham tak? this has never happened to me and to be honest, it's kinda scary.
it got me thinking. mungkin sebab tu dia nak kenal aku? sebab kalau aku hodoh takkan dia layan je aku ni kan? dia pun hensem manakan suka dengan yang hodoh. aku rasa aku ni takde la interesting untuk dikenali. tapi taktau la. mungkin dia ikhlas nak kenal aku? ahh aku taktau.
aku kalau boleh aku taknak la bercinta sekarang. bukan taknak langsung cuma bukan sekarang. so please don't mess me up like what he did to me. aku rasa bodoh sangat sebab suka dia lebih2. dan malu.
tolong jangan buruk sangka kat aku. aku tau aku takde la lawa mana. muka aku dah senonoh sikit je banding dengan dulu. takde hak nak cerita benda2 cani. but this is my experience and I would like to share it so you can understand me better whoever you are :/
and please guys. like a girl for being herself and not because she's pretty or rich or anything. one more thing. don't simply sweet-talk because you seriously don't have the slightest idea that something you said can stay in her mind for a very long time.
again, I'm begging you to not have the wrong idea about me. pleaseeeeeee.
done bebel. jom menyanyi.
Togalino potatoni kaji balobani kagoli bababa babananaaaaa (~^o^)~
Monday, 28 January 2013
jom masuk u lain?
last Saturday my sister and I went to the Jom Masuk U carnival at UM. Ibu suruh aku ikut. ikut hati aku malaaaaaaaaaas nak pergi tapi dia paksa jugak. dia suruh aku tengok "apa2 yang patut" if you know what I mean.
aku ajak Syarina tapi dia ada family plans. so terpaksa la aku pergi dengan adik aku je. kawan dia sorang ikut. memang best teman adik sendiri pergi jalan jalan dengan kawan. shucks maynnn.
so that morning kitorang naik bas dari rumah pergi Seremban. took a train to KL Sentral and waited for her another friend to arrive. bloody hell lama nak tunggu dia sampai. then naik LRT sampai UM.
sampai sana pukul 12. so her two friends walked together and my sister walked with me. aww shweet. dia cari apa yang dia nak. I looked for other uni which I thought I can get in if I don't get it to dentistry in USIM. I went to a couple of booths then I gave up. semua tak terima result Tamhidi USIM. then they asked me kenapa taknak stay USIM? I told them the full story and they went ohh..habis tu kenapa pilih USIM masa UPU? aduhhh mesti tanya eh? -..-
habis cari semua benda yang kitorang nak, kitorang pergi Mid. aku tau jalan so I lead the way teeheeeeee. dah banyak kali hangout kat Mid kan? hahahaha. makan lepastu taktau nak buat apa padahal baru pukul 4 lebih. aku dengan Tina nak balik dengan Ayah so kitorang kena sampai Seremban pukul 8 camtu. tapi kitorang decide balik je la. adik aku nak Big Apple so we went. then..
we were heading back to the KTM when suddenly Tina saw her schoolmate masa sekolah rendah dulu. Adi nama dia. aku tak kenal sangat dia ni. tak pernah berborak pun. aku setakat tau dia wujud je dan dia anak cikgu maths aku masa darjah 6. he looked different. last time I saw him masa dia darjah 5 and that was 6 years ago. lepas UPSR dia masuk SEPINTAR. upon knowing that, aku tetiba borak2 dengan dia macam aku yang sebaya dengan dia. taktau kenapaaaaa hahaha. borak pasal benda2 SBP je dengan dia. banyak jugak la aku borak dengan dia.
so the three of us stood in the middle of the way and talked for almost 45 minutes. aku taktau kenapa aku borak sakan dengan dia padahal TAK PERNAH borak dengan dia masa sekolah rendah dulu. adik aku macam terkejut jugak la yang aku banyak cakap. tak payah dia, aku pun terkejut jugak dengan aku sendiri. maybe it's because aku dah lama tak nampak budak Taman Ehsan kot. Kencut tak kira la. aku dah nampak dia 11 tahun berturut turut sampai naik bosan hahaha. k sorry Kencut.
so that's how my trip to KL last Saturday went. it was okay I guess. it wasn't as bad as I expected. tapi tolong la Ibu, Kakak taknak teman Tina pergi hangout dengan kawan2 dia lagi. please? hahaha :D
aku ajak Syarina tapi dia ada family plans. so terpaksa la aku pergi dengan adik aku je. kawan dia sorang ikut. memang best teman adik sendiri pergi jalan jalan dengan kawan. shucks maynnn.
so that morning kitorang naik bas dari rumah pergi Seremban. took a train to KL Sentral and waited for her another friend to arrive. bloody hell lama nak tunggu dia sampai. then naik LRT sampai UM.
sampai sana pukul 12. so her two friends walked together and my sister walked with me. aww shweet. dia cari apa yang dia nak. I looked for other uni which I thought I can get in if I don't get it to dentistry in USIM. I went to a couple of booths then I gave up. semua tak terima result Tamhidi USIM. then they asked me kenapa taknak stay USIM? I told them the full story and they went ohh..habis tu kenapa pilih USIM masa UPU? aduhhh mesti tanya eh? -..-
habis cari semua benda yang kitorang nak, kitorang pergi Mid. aku tau jalan so I lead the way teeheeeeee. dah banyak kali hangout kat Mid kan? hahahaha. makan lepastu taktau nak buat apa padahal baru pukul 4 lebih. aku dengan Tina nak balik dengan Ayah so kitorang kena sampai Seremban pukul 8 camtu. tapi kitorang decide balik je la. adik aku nak Big Apple so we went. then..
we were heading back to the KTM when suddenly Tina saw her schoolmate masa sekolah rendah dulu. Adi nama dia. aku tak kenal sangat dia ni. tak pernah berborak pun. aku setakat tau dia wujud je dan dia anak cikgu maths aku masa darjah 6. he looked different. last time I saw him masa dia darjah 5 and that was 6 years ago. lepas UPSR dia masuk SEPINTAR. upon knowing that, aku tetiba borak2 dengan dia macam aku yang sebaya dengan dia. taktau kenapaaaaa hahaha. borak pasal benda2 SBP je dengan dia. banyak jugak la aku borak dengan dia.
so the three of us stood in the middle of the way and talked for almost 45 minutes. aku taktau kenapa aku borak sakan dengan dia padahal TAK PERNAH borak dengan dia masa sekolah rendah dulu. adik aku macam terkejut jugak la yang aku banyak cakap. tak payah dia, aku pun terkejut jugak dengan aku sendiri. maybe it's because aku dah lama tak nampak budak Taman Ehsan kot. Kencut tak kira la. aku dah nampak dia 11 tahun berturut turut sampai naik bosan hahaha. k sorry Kencut.
so that's how my trip to KL last Saturday went. it was okay I guess. it wasn't as bad as I expected. tapi tolong la Ibu, Kakak taknak teman Tina pergi hangout dengan kawan2 dia lagi. please? hahaha :D
Sunday, 13 January 2013
regrets and fireworks
HAPPY NEW YEAR. lame.
I'll be 19 in less than a month. time flies freaking fast. really fast. dulu fikir sekolah. tension pun tahap kanak2 ribena je. sekarang dah masuk UNIVERSITAS. tension naik tahap remaja2 coca-cola? haihsss.
I wouldn't say my 2012 was gila gila awesome but I learnt a lot of stuff. I think. I learnt that the world does not and never will go your way. dulu memang ada orang cakap pasal benda tu. Ibu pun ada jugak bebel pasal "kita tak selalu dapat apa yang kita nak..blablabla" tapi aku tak sedar betapa benarnya bebelan Ibu tu.
lately aku cepat marah. cepat terasa. and I think I know why.
it's because of the the-world-not-going-my-way thing. there was a series of events happened to me on 2012 that did not go according to my desires. mostly that happened after I got my SPM results. I thought that by having good results everything is going to be fine for me. clearly I was wrong. it was definitely not fine for me at all.
mula2 sebab tak dapat any scholarships. dude, I got straight A's for SPM tapi tak dapat biasiswa. tak patut ke aku sedih? tapi aku fikir balik. result aku bukannya bagus sangat pun. A- je banyak. mungkin tu sebabnya aku tak dapat. dan masa interview pun aku tak buat betul2. senyap macam taik lalat masa discussion. memang tak la uncle/aunty MARA nak bagi duit free kat taik lalat macam aku.
pastu, aku tak dapat U yang aku nak. aku mintak UIA but instead I got USIM. tapi takpe laa. look at the brightside. dapat jugak course yang aku nak. dentistry.
1st day in USIM and they told us about the stupid limited seats. about only 35 students will be selected to go pursuing degree in dentistry after foundation. WHATTA F. I lost hope. gila apa aku nak kena compete dengan 70 students lain nak rebut tempat tu? aku seriously sangat2 tak yakin dengan diri aku. kat sekolah pun aku bukan la top student pun. biasa2 je. so how the neraka I nak rebut tempat dengan budak2 lain yang rata ratanya lebih pandai dari aku? aku cuba relax. nanti belajar pasal gigi je kan? aku pakai braces dan aku dah banyak kali pergi dentist. sampai dah naik hafal struktur gigi tengok poster kat waiting room tu. chill.
sekali amekauuuuu belajar biology, chemistry, arabic, english, quranic studies, PHYSICS AND ALSO MATHEMATICS.
lakalakalakassheit. memang aku suka phy ngan maths. suka gila nak mampus. memang nak mampus la kesukaan aku terhadap dua ketul subjek yang mudah mudah celaka itu. and that's when I knew it was the end of the road for me. I give up. I quit. I know quitting is for losers. but practically I am losing. so what's the big deal? dan hasilnya, result aku untuk sem 1 sangat sangat tidak lawa. sampai pengarah tamhidi panggil suruh datang menghadap beliau. well not really. just ada talk je. but still, teruk jugak tu.
I felt very awful and ashamed of myself. result aku sangat teramat teruk. I knew I could do better than that. I was really frustrated. those results, coming from me, it was just very so not me. but I did say about quitting so why am I so depressed about getting bad results? that's the thing. I DON'T KNOW.
and those are the reasons why I snap off at small matters. I am pissed off. I am angry to the world. aku rasa dunia ni sangat tak adil.
tapi bila fikir camtu, macam aku salahkan takdir pulak. macam aku tak suka apa yang Allah rancang untuk aku.
I really don't know what to do. I feel miserable all the time and I just want to cry for no reason. this has never happened to me before. dulu aku ada jugak la rasa nak berhenti buat semua ni. belajar la. but I really didn't mean that. I don't know why this time it's different.
I guess I just need to wait until sem 2 is finished. I would probably know what to do by then. hopefully.
guide me, YA ALLAH.
I'll be 19 in less than a month. time flies freaking fast. really fast. dulu fikir sekolah. tension pun tahap kanak2 ribena je. sekarang dah masuk UNIVERSITAS. tension naik tahap remaja2 coca-cola? haihsss.
I wouldn't say my 2012 was gila gila awesome but I learnt a lot of stuff. I think. I learnt that the world does not and never will go your way. dulu memang ada orang cakap pasal benda tu. Ibu pun ada jugak bebel pasal "kita tak selalu dapat apa yang kita nak..blablabla" tapi aku tak sedar betapa benarnya bebelan Ibu tu.
lately aku cepat marah. cepat terasa. and I think I know why.
it's because of the the-world-not-going-my-way thing. there was a series of events happened to me on 2012 that did not go according to my desires. mostly that happened after I got my SPM results. I thought that by having good results everything is going to be fine for me. clearly I was wrong. it was definitely not fine for me at all.
mula2 sebab tak dapat any scholarships. dude, I got straight A's for SPM tapi tak dapat biasiswa. tak patut ke aku sedih? tapi aku fikir balik. result aku bukannya bagus sangat pun. A- je banyak. mungkin tu sebabnya aku tak dapat. dan masa interview pun aku tak buat betul2. senyap macam taik lalat masa discussion. memang tak la uncle/aunty MARA nak bagi duit free kat taik lalat macam aku.
pastu, aku tak dapat U yang aku nak. aku mintak UIA but instead I got USIM. tapi takpe laa. look at the brightside. dapat jugak course yang aku nak. dentistry.
1st day in USIM and they told us about the stupid limited seats. about only 35 students will be selected to go pursuing degree in dentistry after foundation. WHATTA F. I lost hope. gila apa aku nak kena compete dengan 70 students lain nak rebut tempat tu? aku seriously sangat2 tak yakin dengan diri aku. kat sekolah pun aku bukan la top student pun. biasa2 je. so how the neraka I nak rebut tempat dengan budak2 lain yang rata ratanya lebih pandai dari aku? aku cuba relax. nanti belajar pasal gigi je kan? aku pakai braces dan aku dah banyak kali pergi dentist. sampai dah naik hafal struktur gigi tengok poster kat waiting room tu. chill.
sekali amekauuuuu belajar biology, chemistry, arabic, english, quranic studies, PHYSICS AND ALSO MATHEMATICS.
lakalakalakassheit. memang aku suka phy ngan maths. suka gila nak mampus. memang nak mampus la kesukaan aku terhadap dua ketul subjek yang mudah mudah celaka itu. and that's when I knew it was the end of the road for me. I give up. I quit. I know quitting is for losers. but practically I am losing. so what's the big deal? dan hasilnya, result aku untuk sem 1 sangat sangat tidak lawa. sampai pengarah tamhidi panggil suruh datang menghadap beliau. well not really. just ada talk je. but still, teruk jugak tu.
I felt very awful and ashamed of myself. result aku sangat teramat teruk. I knew I could do better than that. I was really frustrated. those results, coming from me, it was just very so not me. but I did say about quitting so why am I so depressed about getting bad results? that's the thing. I DON'T KNOW.
and those are the reasons why I snap off at small matters. I am pissed off. I am angry to the world. aku rasa dunia ni sangat tak adil.
tapi bila fikir camtu, macam aku salahkan takdir pulak. macam aku tak suka apa yang Allah rancang untuk aku.
I really don't know what to do. I feel miserable all the time and I just want to cry for no reason. this has never happened to me before. dulu aku ada jugak la rasa nak berhenti buat semua ni. belajar la. but I really didn't mean that. I don't know why this time it's different.
I guess I just need to wait until sem 2 is finished. I would probably know what to do by then. hopefully.
guide me, YA ALLAH.
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