Tetibe Dah Setahun

Dah masuk 2020 dah eh. Nope, not gonna bring that "kereta terbang" joke out (it's funny jugak la).

Well, aku masih lagi di tempat kerja yang sama, masih membuat kerja yang sama, masih masih. Takde perubahan. Cuma aku dah upgrade jadi Trainee la. Officially started last May and the contract's till this May la. Setahun je. Lepas tu tah la apa nak jadi, jadi la. Malas dah nak fikir. Dah takde semangat nak teruskan hidup.

No, aku bukan suicidal eh. Aku cuma takde motivasi nak bergerak. Nak majukan diri. Takde. Takde push factor yang boleh mendorong aku ke arah kejayaan.

So I'm just literally receiving anything that life throws at me. Like literally. Haritu ada la jugak cari kerja lain sana sini tapi takde replies, ada la sekali dipanggil interview tapi tak lepas. Good experience anyways. So dah malas nak cari kerja lagi dah. Stay je la sampai May, ada rezeki dapat sambung, aku sambung la. Kalau takde, aku nak balik Jelebu aku kerja kat KFC tu je malas nak fikir banyak.

I still cry sometimes at night. Idk if it's called an anxiety attack ke apa tp kalau kena tu mesti sakit dada, susah nak bernafas. You know, when you're really sad and your chest like kembang semacam je. Ha like that la. Ada sekali tu that one night macam teruk gila aku menangis sampai Hasnur terjaga. Kuat ye lol sorry Senor.

Tapi Senor seorang roommate yang baik, dia peluk aku lepastu. Aww :3

Oh masa tu pun aku call Faqih jugak. I know he was already asleep tapi aku just nak someone to like release the tense. And true enough, dia memang dah tidur time tu. Tapi member terkejut beruk la sebab angkat call je terus dengar orang tersedu-sedu. Faqih pun baik, dia tenangkan aku. Suruh aku tarik nafas, istighfar. Truly blessed to have these two.

Btw I'm turning 26 this year. Apa yang aku dah achieve?

Takde. Takde satu pun. Welp, more reasons to cry at night.

I don't have a stable job, gaji kecik, I don't have a house of my own, my savings ciput gila nak buat hi-tea wedding pun tak lepas.

Which also means, that we have no plans on getting married this year.

We've been together for 6 freaking years now and we still fight a lot. And it worries both of us coz kalau dah kahwin nanti takkan la sikit-sikit "Ok jom kita break" or "We need a timeout" or things like that. Ye la what kind of marriage is that. Also, kitorang taktau macam mana dah kahwin nanti. Would I still be working here? Or aku kena ikut dia balik Melaka and kerja kat sana ke? (kena kerja jugak coz he doesn't want me to be a housewife ugh). Kalau aku kerja sini and dia kerja Melaka so kitorang jumpa only on weekends ke? So many unanswered questions kan.

Sometimes I do feel sorry for Faqih coz I can be quite temperamental (I blame myself a lot for this). He once told me that he was tired of the whole thing and he wanted to tap out. But he didn't. He's a good man. I would always pray the best for him. I've said this before and I'll say this again. He truly deserves all the goodness that the world has to offer. Really. He's one of the reasons why I still keep sane. Grateful to have met such beautiful soul.

Anyways, if 2020 is going to be my year, it's going to be my year la. If not, tahun depan ada lagi. Tu pun kalau still hidup lagi la.

Daftar Akaun KWSP

So...aku dah kerja. Jadi kuli je. Since akhir bulan 1 haritu. Nasib baik ada member so takde la teruk sangat kerja. Ok la, aku pun setakat ni takde la koyak pasal kerja. Happy la kot :/

Anyways last Monday colleague aku ckp HR suruh bukak akaun KWSP. So aku tanya la makcik aku acano nak bukak akaun KWSP. Pastu dia kata sepatutnya majikan la yg bukakkan. Tp ada sorang lagi colleague aku ckp, senang je nak bukak. Pergi kat kiosk katanya. Aku mcm takleh imagine kiosk dia mcm mana.

New Year, New Me?

Since last year I was such a wreck, this year I decided that I wanted to keep a planner. Aku pun kira artsy la jugak, cuma aku tak tunjuk sangat. I like fancy stationery, especially colorful gel pens! And I have a bunch of em, and yes, lightly used je lol. So I figured ok la since I have a bunch of these pens, jom la kan buat planner. So aku pun rajin la google planner how-tos and stuff. 

But after reading the blogs and watching the videos, aku rasa mcm stationery aku tak cukup so I bought more hahahaha em :')

I've always thought to myself that I don't have that much friends. And it's kinda true, tho. My friends are numbered. But I like it that way. Just keeping my circle small. 

This month I've been keeping myself busy. Kemas rumah, cari kerja. Even went to an event despite all the anxiety. I just hope that everything will be much, much better than last year.

Memories

Decided to restore my old posts in my old blog here for reminiscing purposes lol. So...no judging la eh haha. I was just 15 in 2009, all wempitz. Okbye.

Withdrawal

Pernah tak korang rasa useless nak mampus sampai rasa mcm taknak jumpa orang coz meeting people makes you anxious.

Pernah tak?

Aku masih ada lagi rasa that fresh grads dilemma. Yg kau taktau nak buat apa lepas study, sama ada sambung study lagi ataupun kerja. That dilemma. Orang lain dilema kejap je terus boleh decide then go on with that decision. Tapi aku, setahun dilema.

Aku ingatkan aku boleh buat. I mean, pursuing this masters thingy. Tapi sekarang aku baru perasan aku sebenarnya bodoh hmm. Level aku takat degree je. I can't go any further. Dah la bodoh, ada masalah dalaman pulak. Malas nak cerita that part. I just really can't do this.

I've asked for opinions from some of my friends. Aku tanya diorang, "kau rasa aku boleh buat tak?". Most of them were very encouraging. Aku sumpah terharu. Kept on pushing me, telling me that I'm a "genius" (celah mana genius pun taktau la, paling hebat pun setakat dapat pelajar terbaik batch darjah dua je haha).

And seeing my other group of friends, ugh. I know we have our own timelines but I can't help but to think and compare my life to theirs. Idk if they have their own problems but if they do, they are good at hiding them that's for sure. I've been avoiding them lately, aku mesti akan rasa nervous af and you know, rasa mcm loser. My life is shit and the last thing I want is to feel more shitty than ever.

Don't get me wrong, I am totally happy for them. Honest. It's great to see that they've settled down, got married and have stable jobs and things like that. Masalahnya aku je.

I've cried so many times, pening kepala la, susah nak tidur la, terjaga tengah malam for no reason la. I hate this.

Aku dah pernah luah kat orang yg aku ingatkan aku boleh depend la. But I didn't get anything back. It's frustrating that people don't understand but I don't blame anyone. Aku pun susah nak faham diri sendiri kadang tu. Mcm sekarang la.

So aku pilih untuk simpan sendiri je. When no one is watching, aku breakdown la. Menangis. Tp sekarang aku rasa nak menulis. Nak lepaskan rasa yg terbuku kat dada ni. Hopefully lega la sikit nanti.

Tolong la kalau ada yg baca ni, tolong doakan aku. Aku taktau la korang faham ke tak entry aku yg panjang ni tp tolong la doakan aku tenang, doakan aku boleh buat keputusan yg betul. Thank you.

(Review) Chanel Blue Serum

Honest thoughts about putting RM400 worth of stuff on my face.

Someone Like You

The song came out in 2011. I was 17 at that time, still in school, SPM was literally the only thing on my mind lol poyo.

I've heard this song a few times but I didn't listen to the lyrics that much. It was only one day, I was on my way back home from school for balik bermalam for the weekend (I was a boarding school student). I was in the car, my mum was driving and the song was on air. It was the first time I listened to every bit of the song then I instantly asked her, 

"Kenapa kita nak cari orang yang sama mcm orang yang pernah sakitkan kita dulu?"

Faham tak? I mean, the person had already broke you, torn you to pieces, left you to nothingness and you still want to find another person like that?

So my mum, kinda shook coz I asked the question, she answered something like this:

People are always like that. We don't really learn from our mistakes. Ibu told me that my aunt (her elder sister) got divorced from a man who cheated on her and she remarried, to another man who was like her ex-husband. She got cheated again of course. Masa dia nak kahwin baru tu, arwah nenek aku puas nasihat coz she knows perangai lelaki tu. But she didn't listen. Even as a teenager, she was always seemed to be attracted to "bad boys". Nobody knows why.

I didn't really understand what was the correlation but I think now I do. For example, when we break up with someone, we have this one expectation of what our next partner should be. And weird enough, we'd want that someone to be exactly like our exes, be it good or bad. Which is impossible, there is only one him/her in the world. I think because that we felt really happy when we were with them, so we want to re-live those memories with this new person. Aku rasa la.

Manusia memang aneh.

EH! x The Face Shop

Yesterday I went to this beauty workshop by EH! magazine in partnership with The Face Shop Malaysia at The KL Journal Hotel, Bukit Bintang. Patutnya pergi dengan Hasnur but she bailed on me last minute coz apparently when she said she can go, she forgot about her mum's birthday *rolling eyes*

Anyways...

Lazy Beauty Bloggers

Last weekend I was searching for reviews on a particular Hada Labo product and I was kinda disappointed I guess? The item was on 50% discount on Shopee and since I haven't tried any Hada Labo products before, I thought I'd give it a try la. But before buying, I wanted to see la if the product works or not. I wanted to read some reviews.

Accidents (Part 2)

However last Saturday, aku dgn Syarina plan nak pergi openhouse member sekolah dulu kat Salak Tinggi. Aku bersiap cantik la dgn baju kurung and makeup bagai. Nak pergi rumah Syarina dulu. Tp kat exit Putrajaya, aku skidded sampai kereta berpusing sikit lagi nak langgar divider. Masa tu hujan renyai2. Biasa la kat exit mmg ada selekoh kan. I admit, aku agak laju. Tp laju mcm biasa kalau aku kat selekoh la. Aku mmg dah biasa lalu jalan selekoh, Jelebu is full of em. Tp ye la, still lagi laju. Masa berpusing tu aku dah cuak nak mampus mmg aku fikir habis la aku, mmg langgar divider la aku mcm ni. Kalau tak mati pun mesti tersepit. Tekan brake tak makan, jalan licin. Aku control stereng je la. Berpusing-pusing stereng tu aku bawak mcm drive bumper car la aku rasa.

When I finally stopped, I was heading the other way. Aku dah menghadap belakang. Syukur Alhamdulillah, all the while I was swaying and turning, takde satu pun kereta kat belakang aku. Memang Allah nak jaga aku lagi. Aku terus on enjin, terkial-kial jugak la sbb dah menggeletar. Lepas aku reverse, baru la ada kereta lalu. Kereta tu hon aku. Aku on hazard light, in case ada kereta lain. Aku masuk gear, jalan, off hazard light. In my mind while I continue my journey to Syarina’s, I was like, okay…that just happened…and I didn’t get hurt…not a single scratch on the car too…belum ajal aku lagi…memang Allah je the only savior aku time tu…I was literally shaking.

Sampai rumah Syarina, we got on her car and she drove. Aku cerita la kat dia what just happened. But her response wasn’t actually what I had expected so my panic just faded like that haha.

Then, we were at a selekoh and HER CAR SKIDDED JUGAK. Aku dah rasa nak terberak kat situ. Two skids in one day. Weh that is too much. Tp tak seteruk aku la coz she wasn’t that fast. Which was weird la sbb dia tak laju pun, how come dia boleh tergelincir jugak at the corner? Then she said about the road is berminyak. Means that orang tuang minyak atas jalan. Nak aniaya la ni. She said that benda2 mcm ni common kat Putrajaya. Orang tabur paku la. Nak untung punya pasal. Bengkel banyak kat area luar Putrajaya. And Putrajaya people is kaya so…you get the picture now. She said that her mom banyak dapat whatsapp about these sabotage cases. So these things are actually real. I was like wtf what if people die from the accident?? Kalau kereta remuk boleh repair, nyawa kau nak repair macam mana?? Mengamuk kejap dalam kereta.

Pastu kitorang bertenang, tau2 je dah sampai openhouse. Makan2, took pics then balik. Hidup kembali normal macam takde apa berlaku. Begitulah kisah accidents aku selama ni sampai setakat 9 Syawal haritu. Thank you for reading, kalau ada la yg membaca haha (ayat typical).

Accidents (Part 1)

I drive a Kelisa. It was my cousin’s car actually tp aku dah drive kereta ni since 2014, time second year lagi. Sangat convenient sbb time tu aku involve dgn SUKSIS, so senang aku nak gerak memana pergi latihan ke apa without menyusahkan housemates aku yang lain. Kereta ni best, tak banyak masalah. Except for that one time kereta aku tetibe mati tengah jalan sbb bateri problem (and it wasn’t me who drove the car at that time, Fatin Aina and Alya did lol kesian diorang haha).

Tapi akhir tahun last year, aku langgar lembu. Yes, lembu. My first accident was with a freaking cow.

Begin Again

Assalamualaikum.

Decided to create a new blog coz I think the old one is too lame to be "revived" lol. Ye la, blog tu since aku 15 kot. And now I'm 24. I've changed a lot in those years (including my physical appearance hmm). Lagipun tengah boring takde buat apa sangat so I thought hey apa kata aku buat blog baru??

Tipu je, aku ada banyak kerja but this fat girl is one hell of a procrastinator.

Anyways I like to write stuff, that's why I still want to keep blogging. I'm keeping my old blog so I can reread my entries whenever I'm feeling nostalgic. Selalu jugak la feeling macam tu haha. So harapnya dengan blog baru ni, ada la benda yg aku boleh tulis. Not just some rants and sendu je. Like, a blog with real content. 

Tapi tu la masalahnya. Taktau nak tulis apa. I like beauty and skincare but I feel dah banyak sangat beauty bloggers out there. I'd like to write about my current project kat UPM ni tapi aku rasa tak ramai yang berminat. Susah nak faham lagipun. Maybe I'll just write just about everything then? Lol sama je la nanti macam blog lama haha. 

We'll just see how it goes, I guess.

2k18

I'm a very awkward person. I don’t really know how exactly to socialize, especially around new people. Meeting new people scares me. I get all these weird thoughts you know like “orang ni tak suka aku ke” or “kenapa dia ni tengok aku semacam” padahal the person was being absolutely normal. I have always been like this since I was small. Nak pergi tadika je mesti muntah dulu sebab nervous sangat (yes people I puke when I get really nervous). Takut beb. Tadika cina, cikgu semua cina. The only malay I know there was my own sister, who was at that time, takde masalah nak bergaul dengan budak cina coz she can speak cina like orang cina la.

Masuk darjah 1, I got bullied. I was legit jongang so the other kids called me “gigi rabbit” coz my two front teeth were sticking out la basically. Teruk jugak la kena ejek. Had no friends. Malam je mesti aku nangis senyap2 sbb aku tension taknak pergi sekolah esoknya. Ada sorang anak cikgu ni memang setan gila la. Bekal aku dia balun padahal dia anak cikgu boleh je masuk kantin amik je la apa dia nak. Pastu siap ckp kat budak lain jangan kawan aku la apa. Tah kenapa sumpah takleh brain do. Tp time tu kecik kan. Mana faham. Yg aku tau, anak cikgu jangan buat main sebab…mak dia cikgu kot. Tu je sebab dia, tak perlu ada sebab lain. Darjah 1 je la yg teruk bagi aku. Lepas2 tu aku mcm ok la sikit sbb perform akademik, every year tak pernah miss naik pentas amik award. Tp still lagi la kena ejek tu sekali sekala.

Time form 1, sbb masuk sekolah asrama and nobody knew me, aku mcm ubah attitude. I had my guard up sbb aku taknak kena ejek kena pijak mcm dulu kat sekolah rendah. So jadinya aku nampak mcm someone yg susah orang nak approach. Dah kena label sombong. Padahal aku diam tak bercakap dgn orang lain tu sbb aku takut haha. Tp at least I didn’t get hurt from being called ‘sombong’. Tapi tu pun time form 2 ada senior ni panggil aku bugs bunny. I was in a debate competition and he was one of adjudicators. Masa dia bagi komen tu he said “you remind me of bugs bunny but in a good way”. I mean excuse me? Anyway perangai ni aku bawak sampai ke masuk u. I got compliments like “dulu aku ingat kau sombong” a lot lol. Member aku lelaki. Dia ckp budak lelaki yg lain takut nak ckp dgn aku sbb aku ada resting bitch face. Tp tbh, I was more scared of them. And other people. I’m even more scared of strangers. Well, you can say that looking kinda sombong is my own way of protecting myself kot. I didn’t want to get hurt so I thought the best way of not getting hurt is to look unapproachable. Nampak tak logic aku :/

Tp hakikatnya, aku masih lagi awkward nak bercakap dgn orang. I have friends, but not many. I prefer to keep my circle small. Aku ni reserved la orangnya. And very scared of people. That’s just the way I am. I know it’s not good, aku pun dah lama tak kena ejek. Last pun time form 2 tu la. Tp kesan kena ejek tu sampai sekarang aku takut dengan orang. Bullying ain’t cool guys. Tetibe.

But you still refuse to understand me even after I told you my story. Hmm.

All Over?

The last time I blogged was two years ago. Itu pun takde apa sangat aku post lol macam la before ni blog aku ada specific content.

Okay la aku rasa aku update dulu la what’s going on now. Not like that anyone’s interested with my life but heck, I’m just gonna do it anyways.

Aku dah habis degree, just nak tunggu majlis convo je next month. Currently staying in Puchong Kinrara with my aunt sementara tunggu nak start jadi research assistant kat UPM. Everyone’s been asking me bila aku nak start. Truth is people, aku sendiri pun taktau so stop asking me the same question haha. I’m still with the same beau, 3 years and counting. Faqih pun dah grad and he’s now working in a developer company in Melaka, literally 5 minutes from his house. I’m a proud girlfriend hihi.

I don’t have anything to write about, actually. Post ni memang literally sesaje je nak buat. For the sake of dah lama tak bukak blog and nak baca balik posts lama aku. I like re-reading my old posts. Reminds me of how I was back in those years. Yg post time sekolah menengah tu, aku punya tak matang tu takyah cite la hahaha.

Aku ingat nak revamp blog aku and write something yang betul2 ada content la. Not just some rants and random thoughts je. Tp taktau nak tulis pasal apa. If any of my friends is reading this, suggest sikit nak aku tulis apa. I ain’t gonna write heavy issues here that’s for sure. Or taknak suggest pun takpe jemput la baca posts aku yg lama2 tu pastu takyah judgmental sangat haha. Tp aku nak cakap la kan, takyah buang masa la baca. I wrote about garbage je mostly (well, more like to all of it lol).

Kalau nak baca jugak, ikut korang la. You’ve been warned haha.

ehe

tahun lepas dua kali update blog yes I know, don't care. 

so aku tengah cuti sem ni. tengah tunggu result final haritu. rasa macam teruk hmm just pray for the best la. bulan 9 ni masuk balik. sekejap je dah nak masuk tahun 3. some would say susah weh tahun 3 subjek berat blabla but I think that's how life works. makin lama makin susah kan. kau kena jugak hadap somehow.

oh btw selamat hari raya ketujuh guys :)

and sebabkan sekarang tengah syawal, maka instagram feed aku amat penuh dgn gambar raya. dan aku rasa alone. aku rasa ditinggalkan. bukan nak mengada tp tu la yg aku rasa. salah aku jugak sbb tak contact kawan lama tp aku tak contact sbb aku taktau nak cakap apa. aku ni jenis cepat awkward dalam conversation. tak reti nak panjangkan perbualan. jenis yg "lepas tanya apa khabar nak kena tanya apa lagi eh?" punya tak pandainya aku dalam bab ni. lagi satu, aku segan. kawan2 aku ramai yg hebat. bakal doktor la engineer la lawyer la study uk egypt jordan dah jejak merata tempat you name it semuanya hebat belaka. aku? haish. and and satu lagi, diorang kaya lol it's the truth man tp aku malas nak cakap lebih. conclusion is, I feel like I'm out of their league. aku cerita benda ni kat Syarina (sbb dia je kawan yg aku rapat yg aku takkan jadi awkward) tp aku tak rasa dia faham.

lol aku sendiri pun tak faham apesal aku nak touching sangat bab ni.

tp aku sedih. serius. dan lantas aku berfikir, kalau aku duduk kat bandar sikit mungkin aku takkan ketinggalan macam ni (ketinggalan macam mana aku pun taktau la hahaha kau layankan je aku kejap). I mean, kalau duduk bandar, aku lebih dekat dgn tempat yg best2 dan public transport yg boleh aku guna untuk ke tempat best2 tersebut. err faham tak apa aku cakap. ni duduk jelebu, dah la kampung, bas paling last pukul 6pm, nak lepak lebih masa sikit takleh sbb takut terlepas bas, and takde kawan pulak tu kat sini. kau faham tak kenapa aku rasa alone sekarang ni.

but but but. aku bukan alone yg "I sunyi, pm kalau you pun sunyi jugak (nak boy je)" kinda alone. hehe hi fachiu lol okay.

dah lama aku fikir benda ni tp makin parah time raya ni la. and tadi pun ada kawan whatsapp tanya rumah aku kat mana and bila aku cakap kat jelebu dia macam eh yeke kalau jelebu tak mampu la. see? see??

k done meroyan.

just me being dramatic

skyped with Faqih (the boyfriend) just now. and I miss him a lot. like seriously. padahal hari2 text/call/whatsapp.

"hek eleh kecoh la kau macam kau sorang ada boyfriend"

okay la fine la aku mengaku aku menggeleb sikit. tapi kasi la can sikit. ni first time kot. tak pernah ada. takde pengalaman.  alaa I bet orang yang dah lama bercinta pun kadang2 menggeleb jugak kan kan kan? mengaku je la. k.

the thing is, currently both of us are studying in different universities. me in Nilai and him in Sarawak. overseas kot Faqih ni kau jangan pandang rendah kat dia haha. so like no way la aku nak jumpa dia selalu. bila dia balik Semenanjung je baru la ada peluang nak jumpa. tu pun baru jumpa 2 kali since we got together. and we've been together for I don't know, 3 months maybe?

"alaa kau baru 3 bulan je. aku ni haa dah bertahun tak jumpa. chill je"

itu kau. ini aku. dulu dia ada jugak tanya aku boleh ke tak buat benda ni. I mean doing this long distance relationship and I said yeah sure ofkos kenapa aku tak boleh buat pulak like benda ni senang je kot takde hal la aku.

and I have never been so wrong in all my life.

I can't stand being away from him (err..aku pun sendiri geli buat statement tu. ah dahek la sekali ni je nak geli2). then there was this one time his phone was broken and we couldn't whatsapp each other. his phone really was broken. I know he wasn't lying. so masa tu aku memang rasa pishang la takleh nak borak free lagi. whatsapp kan free. texting/calling requires money and I am not willing to spend a fortune on that hehe. tapi dia la yang selalu call. kadang2 aku call sebab aku rasa tak aci la kalau asyik dia je yang keluarkan duit aku pulak senang lenang je. tak jadi pengikis kah aku begitu? k over. tapi faham kan maksud aku apa?

taktau nak cerita kat siapa benda ni. nak cerita kat Ibu macam tak kena je. either our conversation will get awkward or she will give a response like "haa tu la kau sibuk nak berboyfriend sekarang potpetpotpet..."

cerita kat kawan? jatuh maruah aku nanti. aku ni dah la bawak imej budak ala ala tough dan tak berapa nak gadis kat USIM tu. sekali aku cerita yang aku rindu rinduan sama pacarku. aishh perkara itu harus dihindari. and I'm sure Syarina taknak dengar aku cerita pasal pacarku.

cerita kat Faqih? respons terbahagi kepada 3:-

1. I miss you too (normally)
2. Hmm (masa dia mengantuk)
3. I dah tanya dulu kan you tak kisah ke kalau kita duduk jauh2 ni. you jawab apa. you kata tak kisah kan potpetpotpet... (masa aku cakap kat dia yang ni semua salah dia aku dah rindu rinduan la macam2)

I like the 3rd one best hehe.

so..there you have it la. takde benda pun. malah kau akan muntah dek kegelian. takpe aku faham. silakan la muntah.

Faqih showed me his new haircut and he hated it but to be honest, potong rambut macam mana pun aku rasa rambut dia tetap...hmm k takde apa la haha. regardless of how he looks like, how megi his hair is, he is still my boyfriend. nah mangkuk pergi muntah jauh2 sana shuh shuh.

p/s: kadang2 geli jugak mentioning the word "boyfriend" like iyuuu muntah tapi kadang2 aku rasa macam candace yang tergila gilakan jeremy dia. I love this feeling.

hehehehehehehe

setahun kemudian

assalamualaikum semua. agak lama aku tidak update blog ye. malas. ingat nak delete je blog ni tapi rasa sayang pulak. best tengok revolusi diri sendiri dari remaja hingusan 15 tahun sampai la sekarang ni dah 20 tahun dah dak Syaza ni :'D

seekor semut baru sahaja menggigit bawah mata aku. yes. bawah mata aku. sakitnya tak terperi.

anyway..

sekarang ni aku nak sembang pasal hidup aku lepas last entry aku. aku masih lagi di USIM tapi bukan degree in dentistry. result aku tak berapa mantap nak enter fakulti perjijian as expected. masa dapat tau yang aku tak dapat masuk, aku terus cakap kat Ibu. 

"Ibu, kakak tak dapat masuk dentistry."

masa aku cakap tu hati kering lagi tapi lepas tu aku terus nangis semahu mahunya. Ibu terus peluk aku cakap yang it's okay, it's not the end and stuff. takyah cerita la berapa banyak kali aku nangis. masa tu bulan puasa tahun lepas yang aku dapat tau tu. rasa putus asa. macam dah tertutup habis peluang aku. macam dah takde masa depan. Syarina dapat medic. lagi la aku rasa sedih nak mampus. satu sebab aku berjauhan dengan bestfriend aku dan satu lagi rasa betapa bangangnya diri aku ni berkawan baik dengan seorang genius tapi tak jadi genius jugak. I spent most of my time with her but I can't be like her. kau tak rasa aku punya self-esteem patut jatuh bergolek masuk longkang ke?

tapi takpe. aku still berbangga dengan apa yang bestfriend aku dapat/buat/bakal jadi :)

so, kisahnya aku tercampak masuk ke FAKULTI SAINS DAN TEKNOLOGI. fakulti yang jauh beda dengan perjijian. but it's not that bad after all. and I'm doing my degree in FOOD BIOTECHNOLOGY ftw!! currently in sem 2. setakat ni best la. kenal kawan baru and stuff. and surprisingly my results are wayyyyy better now than in tamhidi, Alhamdulillah :D walaupun aku masih lagi sedih dengan pemergian Syarina ke Pandan nan Indah, aku berusaha la jugak cari kawan baru. and ada la dapat kawan dua tiga empat lima enam (amboi ramainya) ketul. tapi Syarina jugak best hehehe.

dan ramai lagi yang senasib dengan aku. I mean, bebudak tamhidi dentistry yang tak lepas masuk jugak. so diorang pun terkandas la di Nilai ini. ada yang amik kimio industri, electronic engineering, sains aktuari, dan juga fizik gunaan. course yang menyimpang habis dari dentistry tapi kitorang teruskan hidup jugak kehkehkeh. budak medic yang tak lepas pun ada jugak. bertempiaran la masuk course kat FST tu haha.

and all my rants about not having a boyfriend has ended heh heh. he's a friend yang aku kenal masa form 5 dulu masa Labu immersion kat sekolah gah dan gemilang yang kat atas bukit kat Malacca tuu. lost contact then jumpa balik kat twitter then borak2 (lama la jugak boraknya) then terus jadi. baru lagi so aku taknak la macam "bakal imamku" or do stupid videos macam cinta alang untuk fiqah and other kinds of sh*t those wempitz teens do nowadays haha. when the time comes, the time comes. no need to rush. kalau ada rezeki, adalah. kalau takde, nak buat macam mana. tapi kalau boleh, nak la ada rezeki dengan dia HAHAHA k. 


tapi semalam Syarina share tazkirah dengan aku pasal couple ni. kena pandai balance. Allah dengan Rasul-Nya lebih utama. dan juga family. bukan boyfriend. thank youuu so much for the tazkirah, Syarina. seriously, I need some pengisian kerohanian from time to time.


omg bawah mata aku dah bengkak. this is so embarassing T.T


maka sekian sahaja entry aku kali ni.  till I have the will to write again O/


p/s: congrats to all adik adik cemerlang SPM. USIM menyambut kedatangan adik adik dengan tangan terbuka. USIM k, USIM. bukan akak. akak taknak sambut korang. kbye.

Hi.

pegi cari scholarship la dohh

first of all, me want to congratulate you guys yang dapat results yang gempak meletup letup kebabom bom bom. yang kurang berjaya, sila meratap dan duduk kat corner bilik dan melalak. k tak melawak je heh heh *tak kelakar*


*serius talk* kepada yang kurang2 sikit tu, jangan risau. hidup masih panjang lagi. banyak lagi rezeki kat luar sana cuma korang masih belum nampak lagi.


so mesti dah ada yang sibuk cari scholarship. benda2 ni korang kena pandai2 cari sendiri. beli paper, bukak internet, tengok berita kat tv tu, tanya kawan2 semua. kena rajin. scholarship tak akan datang kat korang dan cakap, "Hey awak, nak pegi Jordan study medic for free?" takde takde. maka tolong la rajin.


aku pun lalui jugak benda ni. banyak aku mohon tapi takde rezeki agaknya. satu pun aku tak dapat. sedih.


INTERVIEW MARA 2012

aku just dapat peluang interview je. boleh buat dua pilihan. aku mintak finance kt USA and Bahasa Jepun kat Jepun la takkan kat India pulak? last year, interview berkumpulan berbentuk group discussion. takde individual interview. so kumpulan aku dapat this one topic. 

korang ada modal RM100,000 nak guna buat start bisnes. pilih jawatan apa yang korang akan pegang dalam company tu dan apa yang perlu korang buat selaku jawatan tu untuk membangunkan company tu.


macam tu la lebih kurang tajuknya heh heh. FULL ENGLISH harap maklum. maka tolong menghabukkan english korang before interview supaya takde la muka korang macam tertelan nasi sekepal nanti. and please, BE BRAVE. participate in the discussion. or better yet, start the discussion first. give ideas. if your idea got rejected, it's okay. at least korang dah cakap. jangan tak cakap apa2 langsung. macam aku ToT


tapi jangan la cakap non-stop pulak. bagi peluang kat orang lain. mintak pendapat dorang. kalau rasa nak membantah, cakap elok2. beretika sikit. tak payah buat scene. faham? faham ok. lepas discussion tu, the interviewers(?) tu tanya soalan kat kitorang one by one. sorang satu soalan. aku dapat soalan yang macam senang jugak la tapi aku dah lupa apa dia. tapi ada satu bro group aku ni dapat "What is your opinion regarding plagiarism and their effects to students?" nasib baik mamat ni pandai cakap. dia jawab macam eleh senang gila la soalan kau ni. good job bro.


like I said earlier, aku tak cakap banyak sangat masa discussion tu. mungkin sebab tu aku tak dapat. aku pun tak study dulu. at least kena la bukak sikit buku2 ilmiah ni. berita seantero dunia kena tau. gosip artis tak perlu tau melainkan ada kaitan dengan ahli politik/ agama atau sebagainya. aku cakap betul ni tak tipu.


lepas interview, doa banyak2. jangan ingat dapat straight A's memang confirm dapat scholarship. ini semua rezeki Dia yang punya. buktinya, aku. and I also have two friends yang dapat 11A+ siap tapi stuck kat Malaysia jugak. tak dapat mana2 pun. sekali lagi, rezeki masing2. tak kisah la apa yang korang dapat untuk SPM, keep calm and pray banyak2 okay?


kalau korang search kat google pasal interview MARA 2012 dan blog aku ni yang korang bukak, aku harap post aku membantu. kalau tak membantu, pegi search lagi jangan nak stalk aku lebih2 pastu nak baca post aku yang lama2 tu. malu heh heh.


harapnya korang dapat. wishing you guys all the best adik adik :)


P/S: resumes/cover letters/CV. itu pun penting. sorry tak dapat tolong part ni. aku tak reti sangat writing ni.

moody sunday

kejap lagi balik kolej. esok dah start balik kelas. malasnyaaaaaaaaaaaa. memang setiap kali balik kolej aku jadi emo semacam je. tapi kali ni yang buat aku extra giga mega emo sebab esok...

birthday aku.

aku mesti la nak sambut birthday aku kat rumah. best kot. bukan sebab family aku sambut birthdays meriah2 tapi sebab..alahh macam birthday kau. mesti kau nak relax je sepanjang masa kan? lagi best kalau relax kat rumah. ada tv dan internet dan juga tv. sama ah macam aku. adalah menjadi sangat tidak best birthday aku esok sebab esok, ada kelas. not fun. at all. dan sedikit emosi juga kerana...

my best bud Syarina won't be going back to college tonight 'cause she's in Korea right now and will be back by tomorrow night. asdfghjkl betul. out of all dates, why laa tomorrow? ini semua bisa buat aku menangis T.T

tapi takpe nanti dia balik Maliziya dia bawak balik bufday pwesent for me fwom Kowiyaaaa weeheehee :3

tengoklah esok macam mana. rasanya takde sape yang nak wish sebab rasanya takde sape yang tau birthday aku esok. hahaha T.T

19th birthday yang sunyi. how sad TT.TT